Note: This blog was originally published on seanneil.co.uk and is reproduced with permission. Let’s talk about happiness today by asking ourselves a question. What one word or phrase would we describe as our goal in our life? Just one. Let's make it bit easier by adding a list here. If we were given a chance to pick ONE thing in life from the list below, what would we choose? Will it be:
The answer might not be easy, because we all want multiple things in life and we certainly aren’t programmed to settle with one item. But if we have to choose one, we would normally refer to our priority list, don’t we? To be fair, most of our life choices are based on our necessities. If we are financially struggling – we might opt in for money, if we are passionate about the skills we have, we probably want our dream job. So on and so forth. So if we create our priority list and follow it, Are we actually making a right decision though? Why does our list keep changing? Let’s create a imaginary bunch of people and call them Tom, Richard and Harry. Our new friends just received an opportunity to select one thing from the list we mentioned above. Tom choose family, Richard opted for his dream job and Harry went for the money. Now, let's meet them. Tom, A 30-year-old web designer, lives with his partner in a nice house. Both Tom and his partner work for a large company and money has never been an issue for him. Overall he is living a very good life. But he always wanted to have a family. Richard, after spending years studying his favourite subject, was struggling to find a nice job in his field. He thought his dream job would be the best thing to select. Harry, a single, jobless individual who is living in a tiny room in a shared house, determined that the cash is all he needs. As I said earlier our wishes depend on what we miss the most in life. We are always running after something, aren’t we? Surprisingly, that something differs from person to person. Sometimes I wonder, Do we actually have a shared goal as a human race? I mean, do we all have one common goal, regardless of our situation There certainly is something we equally crave, something that is in everyone's priority list and consciously of subconsciously we are running after it. Not just human beings, all living creatures are after this. And the goal is Happiness.
We may be running after different things, guided by our situation and needs, but the ultimate goal is to find happiness.Yes, as simple as that. We are running after happiness. Let’s go back to our friends Tom, Richard and Harry and ask them what inspired them to make their selection? The shared answer would be happiness. Or to be happy.Whatever they chose, they chose it to be happy. Tom thought, a family he was dreading for – would make him (them) happy, whilst landing a dream job would definitely make Richard happy – so he thought.Our third friend Harry was convinced that i the money would makes him happy. Quite simple. Because We all love to be happy; we crave to be happy and we do good and even bad and immoral things to make us happy, Yes, bad and immoral things too. Because we convince ourselves that whatever we are doing is justifying. When we do bad things, we create thoughts that justifies our action. Now it’s time to analysis.Going back to our friends, do you think that, after receiving their wishes - they will remain happy for the rest of their lives?The answer sadly is NO. Because a. We are programmed to see the greener grass and b. We are misguided. To clarify this, let’s take a look at another example.We finally got our hands on the dream car (or a house, or a holiday) we had been saving for months or years. Let's take ourselves to that particular moment, like going to the place to acquire/purchase it, test/view it and finally owning it. The moment is only described as over the moon.Now, if we could measure it, how would we score the happiness, say between 0 and 10? Please close your eyes if it helps and score it, if you can.Fast forward this and let's return to the present. How would we score the same happiness now? Why aren't we as happy as we were? Why does happiness fade with time? Why couldn't we retain that level of happiness? Why are we looking for something else for happiness? How did we change our path to happiness without noticing? The answer is simple and complicated at the same time. To be honest, we aren't focusing correctly. We are probably following the social trend, being brainwashed by media, celebrities etc. In other words, we are not looking at the right place for happiness, Things we are running after aren’t the source of happiness, they are, rather a mirage and a distraction. It’s like watching a film. The duration of happiness lasts no longer than the film itself. And the excitement of watching it dies at the moment we press the button on the remote control.Some people even say the happiness we are working hard to acquire isn’t real happiness. We might feel a temporary sense of happiness but we will never reach the true happiness if we take this path. To rephrase this, If we require an item or object as a source of happiness, we aren't acquiring happiness, we are simulating it. And the simulated happiness lasts as long as we continue feeding it. Because, as mentioned earlier- As the novelty of the object fades, so does the happiness associated with it. It's a never ending rat race. Fortunately, there is a way out. But first, we must understand the true happiness. And we must acknowledge that we can be happy without any aid. This is a different type of happiness though. And rest assured, it does exist. According to Deepak Chopra, "Real happiness comes from having an unassailable connection to the deep state of unbounded awareness at our core. This state of being is our own inner joy that expresses the exuberance and wonder of being alive at this moment; it is our own self-luminous essence made conscious of itself." The interesting thing about this immanent type of happiness is, that it isn’t determined by achieving but being the source. And this type of happiness doesn’t rely on our mood, external circumstances or any other support. How easy is it to achieve this type of happiness though? Let’s quote John Spence here. “Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you. Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.” Some of us think that happiness is happiness, whether it is derived from a materialistic object or gained from certain activities which may seem true at a glimpse. But are we willing to spend our life in the rat race? We acquire something> become happy > got bored with it > aim for something different > acquire it> become happy> got bored with it..... If we pay attention and look at these happiness, we will discover that they aren't same at all!!One is a temporary excitement caused by an external object, whilst the other one is a state of mind and anyone can achieve this.
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